Dear biology,
You are the study of life. I'm studying you. Go study your own life.
Kthanksbye.
Saturday, January 29, 2011
Friday, January 28, 2011
Oh Jesus. This is bad bad bad. Bad time, yes. Bad situation, yes. Bad bad bad.
I'm going to crash soon. I only Latin and biology left. However my presentation for science was terrible, so there goes a nice 20% of midterm already. *nervous laugh* Not like I planned on getting above a -18 anyway. Latin; I can shrink my font as much as I want. I can put the whole put on my notecard, I will still fail.
I fail at everything. I got a 74% on my bio mini test, and I thought that was good. And I have a C in Latin, so my GPA has gone down. Which reason number 70000000 why I fail at life.
And my mom wants me to get out the house during the summer because I'm "there too much." AKA, "You're a loser with no friends, go away." Thanks, even my mom of all people doesn't like me. (suprisingly, I actually care about that.)
Whatever no one likes me. My grandma even thinks I should "get friends." HAHAHAHA. Yeah, I'm just unlikable in looks, personality, dependability, smarts. You name it, I don't got it.
Not even people I've never even met like me. I left for four days, and didn't get a single hi. SEE GRAMMIE, I'M NOT A PERSON PEOPLE ENJOY.
I should really stop posting. No one is reading. No one cares. Not even I care that all I have is me, and I don't want to be stuck with me.
I'm going to crash soon. I only Latin and biology left. However my presentation for science was terrible, so there goes a nice 20% of midterm already. *nervous laugh* Not like I planned on getting above a -18 anyway. Latin; I can shrink my font as much as I want. I can put the whole put on my notecard, I will still fail.
I fail at everything. I got a 74% on my bio mini test, and I thought that was good. And I have a C in Latin, so my GPA has gone down. Which reason number 70000000 why I fail at life.
And my mom wants me to get out the house during the summer because I'm "there too much." AKA, "You're a loser with no friends, go away." Thanks, even my mom of all people doesn't like me. (suprisingly, I actually care about that.)
Whatever no one likes me. My grandma even thinks I should "get friends." HAHAHAHA. Yeah, I'm just unlikable in looks, personality, dependability, smarts. You name it, I don't got it.
Not even people I've never even met like me. I left for four days, and didn't get a single hi. SEE GRAMMIE, I'M NOT A PERSON PEOPLE ENJOY.
I should really stop posting. No one is reading. No one cares. Not even I care that all I have is me, and I don't want to be stuck with me.
Sunday, January 23, 2011
To be honest, I never felt like I fit in. No not in real life, everyone one fits in at school because cliques are only what you make them to be, but there's a common everyone shares: we all don't want to be there. I mean Veritaville/Skype/whatever. Never. At first on the forums I did not mind because, well, I was barely on. Plus I didn't give a crap because I was there: Bianca, the fourteen year old from Massachusetts. That was it. I admit, I did enjoy the first Facebook swapping, but that's because I was desperate to show Jordan she wasn't that special with her 200+ friends, or whatever it was she back then. And remember; this is because I fail at being a good friend.
Once the summer began, so did Skype, and was like okay instant chatting. Then we gave out phone numbers, and I just figured that none of you would text me anyway because I'm me, but you did, and by did I mean Juliet did and someone whose name I don't feel like saying. So yeah it was all good.
But then it just got so personal. Suddenly we are all sharing our picture, talking to each other, meeting each other, becoming so close so that it hurts when suddenly that connection stops.
And the sad thing is you guys no know nothing about me. You know what my face looks like when I'm posing after 40000 takes. You know my state, I have a sibling, my age, my grade, the stuff I watch on TV, and the subjects I dislike. Now compare that to the information you've given out.
I have my reasons. If it was up to me, would have never seen my picture because that's the fake me. That's the me that people like to look at. Also the one who doesn't exist. It's the me I angle at so it looks like I have a nice face. It's the me I try to make look like my sister because I know she's better. I know she's pretty because the first day of freshman year, when she had no friends, all the boys wanted her number. I know because of the way mom says I look like my dad after she bitches about how bad she would feel for any kid that has to look like him. Did you know I almost gave you guys a picture of my sister, my best friend, and my ex friend before I just put out my lie?
And will never ever EVER tell anyone where I live. You may all think it sucks living in the suburbs, but it's damn straight worse living in the ghetto when you walk down by the library on Main Street at eight at night in the summer so the sun hasn't set and the prositutes are already lining up. Oh, and you know them by name because these ones are only fifteen, seventeen oldest. I'm not kidding when I say I live in one of the most dangerous places in Massachusetts. Believe me, it's in the Globe. The official grade for my school is 46% This is why they boast athletics.
I know I don't fit in with you guys. It's not because of where I live, it's just because I don't. Because I don't really like Harry Potter that much, because I did enjoy the PJO movie, because I don't think RPatz is ugly, because I think Twilight is a good thing because it makes people read, because I think it's down right bitchy when someone says, 'you write fuck like Smeyer,' because Stephenie Meyer didn't do anything to you, stop insulting her, because I just have no interest for anime/manga, because I don't like envisioning I murder people. Hell, maybe I'm just too religious, and that's coming from a liberal.
There's more, but I have to stay because I've already lost everyone who used to care except for my cat, but he can't leave because he's an indoor cat.
Don't take this the wrong way; I love you guys, honestly, you're all good people. I just don't fit in with you. You all worship English and get top marks, I just don't. I never have. To me, you're all gorgeous, and I can't wear clothes that are tight because I hate the way I look. You all have problems, but you're all damn good at voicing them out. I want that.
You guys make me jealous like everyone in school. You guys will just get older and prettier and get your first really real kiss.
But don't worry about me. By now, I've gotten used to staying behind
Once the summer began, so did Skype, and was like okay instant chatting. Then we gave out phone numbers, and I just figured that none of you would text me anyway because I'm me, but you did, and by did I mean Juliet did and someone whose name I don't feel like saying. So yeah it was all good.
But then it just got so personal. Suddenly we are all sharing our picture, talking to each other, meeting each other, becoming so close so that it hurts when suddenly that connection stops.
And the sad thing is you guys no know nothing about me. You know what my face looks like when I'm posing after 40000 takes. You know my state, I have a sibling, my age, my grade, the stuff I watch on TV, and the subjects I dislike. Now compare that to the information you've given out.
I have my reasons. If it was up to me, would have never seen my picture because that's the fake me. That's the me that people like to look at. Also the one who doesn't exist. It's the me I angle at so it looks like I have a nice face. It's the me I try to make look like my sister because I know she's better. I know she's pretty because the first day of freshman year, when she had no friends, all the boys wanted her number. I know because of the way mom says I look like my dad after she bitches about how bad she would feel for any kid that has to look like him. Did you know I almost gave you guys a picture of my sister, my best friend, and my ex friend before I just put out my lie?
And will never ever EVER tell anyone where I live. You may all think it sucks living in the suburbs, but it's damn straight worse living in the ghetto when you walk down by the library on Main Street at eight at night in the summer so the sun hasn't set and the prositutes are already lining up. Oh, and you know them by name because these ones are only fifteen, seventeen oldest. I'm not kidding when I say I live in one of the most dangerous places in Massachusetts. Believe me, it's in the Globe. The official grade for my school is 46% This is why they boast athletics.
I know I don't fit in with you guys. It's not because of where I live, it's just because I don't. Because I don't really like Harry Potter that much, because I did enjoy the PJO movie, because I don't think RPatz is ugly, because I think Twilight is a good thing because it makes people read, because I think it's down right bitchy when someone says, 'you write fuck like Smeyer,' because Stephenie Meyer didn't do anything to you, stop insulting her, because I just have no interest for anime/manga, because I don't like envisioning I murder people. Hell, maybe I'm just too religious, and that's coming from a liberal.
There's more, but I have to stay because I've already lost everyone who used to care except for my cat, but he can't leave because he's an indoor cat.
Don't take this the wrong way; I love you guys, honestly, you're all good people. I just don't fit in with you. You all worship English and get top marks, I just don't. I never have. To me, you're all gorgeous, and I can't wear clothes that are tight because I hate the way I look. You all have problems, but you're all damn good at voicing them out. I want that.
You guys make me jealous like everyone in school. You guys will just get older and prettier and get your first really real kiss.
But don't worry about me. By now, I've gotten used to staying behind
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